lOsT DaiRY Chpt 98:

herm...ya..today quite alot of things happen..den i do something that..i think if it was e old mi..i will nvr do it..lol..at least..something good with the new mi...right??ya..i learn to face the music..not escaping..escaping from the fact that sooner or later will be out...i jus let everything goes by it own...if it is fated to be like this...den jus be like it...herm...as for my studies...haiz...totally hopeless liao...hai...at least i have push myself to start revising on the formula on phy...but i still duno how to apply it..herm..i tink this need more practice bah..n ya..i want to kill that person..i tink cindy know who im talking abt..coz..partly i wan kill her is becoz her cindy..so kpo for wad??lol...unless she is jealous..lol..ok..i tink i have to stop my crap abt that girl liao..ok...for ur info..is not HER...lol...may be a little bit confusing...aniway..i still hate garlic..lol..herm...=x...haha...lalalala...haha...herm..today..i learn to put down lots of thing...ya..coz..like wad i say...dun gen gen yu huai over things that cannot be undone...lol...ya..everytime i say...bt..nw finally i have done it...YEA!!!lol...

i just wanna my friends to be happy...but..how cum..i dun feel my frens are happy??ya...none of us are perfect...thus,we tend to have problems that cannot be unsolved...ya...but anyway..there is always some deaf ear ard that can listen to ur problems...if u scared ppl know..the ear will turn to mute..when u need advice...the ear will turn on..however....there are ppl who loves to tiao bo li jian..lol..i seems to be 1 when it comes to.............haha...so...better dun say too much when it comes between ...............lol...ya...i realli wish my frens that i love will be happy always..n dun HURT themselves...coz..if i find out..i will nt jus watch n keep queit le...i will be nagging n nagging like wad weijin do..lol..

lost dAIRy cHpt 97:

herm..i duno wad happen to mi...ya...have been angry over small things...haiz...ok..nw i understand..im nt angry wif u..im just angry over myself..ya...im just angry over myself..nt over u...i just angry myself not for believing u...trusting u...i know that u will change..bt..i duno y..i just dun believe..may be somewhere down inside mi knows that it is veri diff to change...that's y..i don't believe..unless u are veri determine..ok..i admit that i react too sensitive...but..wad i have experience from the past...make mi dun believe...not believing that it is possible to change...lol..i know u cant see...bt..."some1" will sure see it..n tell den...herm...haha...u know who u are...lol...but..ya..i will try to talk to u again...herm...

today..during recess...kitty came n look for mi...but im busy setteling something...thus..i nvr bother to talk to her..ya..i know im wrong...haiz...but..i tot u could understand...coz..i have been telling u that..i look things as priority...things that are more impt to mi..will take all my attention..im sorry for lefting u out...

do i look so sad??
ya...i did promise shazana that i will not be sad..bt already try veri hard to be happy...im sorry if i look sad to u...den..cheng kang ask mi something...ask mi if im realli happy??lol..if the defination of my happy is wad u mean...i can sure say that im nt happy at all...totally...it jus totally doesn't fit into my defination of happiness...ok??sometimes...when things happen on myself..i tend to be in-sensitive...ya..that's y..i make my frens ard mi to worry...ya..but...just ask wad i have told cindy..i have handle all my problems to my best fren to handle..n..i believe that...sooner or later it will be settled...however...until my problems are settled...i can say that...i will nt be happy...

LoSt..
herm...maybe my nic have worried my frens...especially my step mother...lol...shazana...lol..she keep asking mi if im all right...haha...i love her..haha...she's such a wonderful "mother"..lol..hope that she can get a new husband n get rid of my fahter which is matt...lol..coz..the 2 of them dosen't suit..lol..ya...den..lol..federick so funny...when he say my nic..he ask mi..y m i lost..i told him i lost in my life...lol..den he ask mi to open my eyes..lol..coz ltr bang to e wall...lol..so dots...bt..it realli make mi laugh...herm..im happy that i have all this frens ard mi..that's y...i wanted to do something for them...although they may find mi naggy..bt..sorry...it's for ur own good..lol...i will do my best to help...=D

LOsT DAirY cHPt 96:

"ha-ha"..laughing is so hard for mi now...haiz...jus sick n tired of everything...hate everything around mi...hate those person...hate myself...to mi..everything is ugly..i cant see any beautiful things in this world...coz..that's what it is...there are land pollution,water pollution,air pollution n even brain pollution...see...this world is so ugly...i hate being alive!!!haiz...


jus finish my eng paper 1 n chi paper 2...haha..duno wad to say..easy until i may even fail...muhahaha..den there's so many things to be done within this 3 days...must cramp everything together le...haiz...bt no matter wad..patience is veri impt...haha...my compo topic...dots...i also duno why i choose this topic...haha..yesterday...veri down plus so sick..haiz...totally cant laugh until...haha...that guy...he came to my hse and ask for donation for the cancer patients..lol..that time my sis playing piano...den...after she play finish her piece...that guy say..nice song...LOL...so funny...my sis so shock...haha...the guy is so funny...haha..den...starts the whole emo thing again...laugh...but nt realli laugh right bottom of my heart...den..i tink many of my frens may be thinking that i must be mad..lol...during exam...i can smile to myself de leh...dots..sick sick sick...yesterday..some where ard my appendix pain...frm morn until night..den at night..i told my mother...my mother keep asking still pain not...den call my father to come bck faster...den when my father came bck...he act like a doctor again...meng gu dai fu...lol...den say want to bring mi go see doc..siao ar..that time is ard 12 liao leh...still gt which clinic still open...except for the 24hrs kind..den my father also dun like to bring mi to see the doctors there...so...where he want bring mi??go hospital??lol...siao ar...haha...actually i also quite scared de la...haha...

stupid day...stupid mi...haiz...i just hate myself for everything...sometimes...i know it wasn't my fault to turn things into this way...but..i jus cant help it..i jus hate myself..haha..today..doing exam...my heart so pain...pain until i cant even breathe...so bu shu fu...den keep drinking water...but...haiz...

LoSt DaiRy cHPt 95:

herm..tmr start SA le...haiz...guan leong so funny...say that SA still gt 2 more months...shock mi ar...haha...herm...today is a cold day...n moody...somehow...haha...seems that i have been quite moody now adays...but..luckily...i still have azillah,shazana n matt down der to cheer mi up..haha...n of coz..wif the crap of jeevan...haha...maybe they don't know that they have been cheering mi up...bt seriously...htey did...although is not much...but..i still feel so thankful...im glad that in the klaz..i still have them to cheer mi up...haha...n of coz..some others la...like cindy...everytime give mi that kind of look when....haha...im laughing nw..coz..whenever i think of that face...is so so so the funny...haha...actually...haha...did something stupid last weekend..haha...den kana scolded by cindy...lol..cannot say wad thing...lol..coz veri stupid..cindy cannot say also hor...a secrert...haha...shhh...

herm...find myself veri bad now adays...veri gu yi...haha...dun feel like saying wad...but..den MING SHENG lie to mi...say he nvr study...at the end...score higher den mi...lolx...never mind...must work harder...coz...SA le wad...but everytime like that say..i never do it de...haha

finally sort up something...something...so...i can relax more le...haha...feel like going to die now....haiz...haha...really...i just have the feeling...although i have think clear of somethings...but...somehow...i jus feel like going to die...haiz...totally....haiz...trying hard to stay happy...realli..but...there's really something inside me...realli...dun feel like living...haha...haiz....i should be more happy???haha...shazana ask ask mi..y everytime i sad...but dun wan to show it...should i show it???i guess not...haha...just want to act like the same old me...haha..same old me....

LoSt DAIry chPt 94:

hai...slacking...no mood to study at all...haiz...i duno wad to do to get rid of it...i know i need to study n i want to study..but..somehow..something down there is stopping mi...haiz..eng sa tis week..i totally have no faith in it...or i shld change...i have no faith in my SA tis time..every1 around mi is working hard...studying hard...every1 jus so hard working...today quek ask mi dun slack liao..must start studying...ya..i agree with it..but i jus cant...haiz...feel so helpless now...

shazana(step-mother) n azillah(step-sister) ask mi y i so sad...ya...maybe that's the reason why im sad...just need some fresh air outside of the klaz to keep my mind clear..inside the klaz...i totally cant have a clear mind...is jus...i duno how to say...im jus so sick n tired to stay inside the klaz..i find that i start to scared going into the klaz..i duno y...i feel the klaz is so....duno how to describe...that's y..i choose to stay outside the klaz during recess...last time...i used to wonder why my klazmates love to stand outside..nw i know the reason...haha...i must also thankz grace,james aka xiao dou cum my god-father(so long sia de name),jon ong n the 2 of them to accompany mi outside the klazroom...crap with mi..lolx...although i nvr get to study outside..but..i tink that period of time is the time where i smile n laugh the most...shazana n
azillah are such crazy that they make mi laugh like siao..lolx...ya..i know they also trying to cheer mi up...haha...tnx to them...

than comes to the cleaning of table..haha...matt pass mi his cloth to clean the table...den shazana mi clean some parts of the table n jon ong help mi to scrap off the liquid on my table...haha...thankz to the both of them...but wad i can say de is..is so tiring to clean the table..i clean until my hand so pain sia...haha...

so tired....i feel like sleeping..dun feel like going to school...feel so helpless!!!HELP!HELP!HELP!who can help mi?!?haiz...just dun have the mood..so damn angry..angry with myself...

although i hate school...but i love my klaz family tree...i love my father(matt),mother(jess),step-mother(shazana),step-sis(azillah),cindy,my jie meis....n alot alot of ppl...all i have to say is...i love my friends...but..not....haha......the.....blah blah blah....

uPDaTeS Of PicTUrE!!!


YI xiN n MI At Co ROom


It'S So DArk OuTSiDe...So sCary!!!LOLX!!!JEss,CINDy N mI


ACtUalLy ShOULd noT b in tIs PI dE..sUddenLY pOP Up!!!LOL...weiJIn,cInDy b mi



JesS,cindy,WEiJiN N mI!!

lOsT DAiry ChpT 93:
herm..tis is de realli last day...today speech day...herm...gt my colours award...but..after tt...it's e end of my cca...haha...shld i b happy or sad...hai...coz...bcuz of tis cca..i get to know 3 great frens...Jia yi,Hong yao n Kwang hui...lol..e 4 of us...haha..although everytime hong yao will quarrel wif mi..but..he's a great fren...jia yi..she is always der to help mi...i realli appreciate all e things she have done for mi...although she n hong yao everytime quarrel..they still maintain a goof relationship..haha..kwang hui...he always der talking crap..making my days in cca not tt boring...although sometime will get pissed off by all his craps...but...i will sure miz all those things..herm..my 3 wonderful frens..haha..jeffrey dun jealous...lol...although sometimes i cant tolerate the childish act tt kwang hui n hong yao do together...but..deep inside..i know i will sure miss these days...when we are doing duty...haha...ya..i also agree that i veri ba dao against them..lol..they also take in...den frm hong yao...i learn alot of things from him..i told him this before le...after adam khoo workshop...i told him that i realli appreciate wad he teach mi past 3 yrs...the both of us make sure the duty runs smoothly last year...n the past 2 years...we have been helping each other...n of coz...sometimes..there's some white lies in between...lol...he help mi over the days that i feel so helpless...haha...i also gt help him la...haha..so we help each other...hehe...den..he never fails to make mi laugh...haha...

Hong yao:
i rmb e 1st day i do duty with him..is eng week...sec2...den e 2 of us not tt close yet..coz..during sec1..we never talk..is jus becuz that mr tan appointed e both of us to be e "chair"...that's when we start to talk...in order to work well during duty...den e 2 of us sit in e PA system...so queit sia...den...ppl start to get into e hall for assembly..den..suddenly..i rmb that we need to set up e projector n alot of things...bt tt time..onli e 2 of us having duty...den...we work super well...we bring down all the equipment down from the library within 1 min..den i set up the projector n laptop within 2 min...den he set up the music for skool song..den make sure all the mike is working well...haha...that's the fastest set up i have done..den i went up to the PA room..den e both of us were still so scared...coz..it was e 1st time we perform duty together as "chair" partners...haha...den we was like jumping up n down to cool ourself down...haha...that's wad i rmb for e 1st duty i do with hong yao..exciting right??lol...

Jia yi:
jia yi is sinee fren...actually sinee should b in e same cca as us..but wen we are in sec 2...she change to CO...after that...mi n jiayi starts to talk..coz..in our batch...we are e onli 2 chi girls..so..we were like getting closer...den we get to know jeffrey...although we know him at sec1 le..but we get to know him more during sec2...den sec3...she help mi by doing all the jobs i give her well...i realli appreciate that....haha...1st time do duty with her is e national day rehearsa at sec1...we kana scolded my VP that time...lol...fun...

kwang hui:
herm...same as hong yao..get to know him during sec2...lol...but i get to know him well tru hong yao...so...ya..all i can say is his crap n he is sooooooo damn irritating...lol...but i will miss it...haha..

the things are getting shorter n shorter..lol..took many pics...have a look bah...i will miss the days that i have spend with e 3 of u...



mY aWArD!!



kITtY N Mi!



CindY, JeSs N mi!!


aZiLlaH,shaZaNA n mi


cindY N MI


oUR aWArd!!!frm left to right...kwang hui,hong yao,mi n jia yi...lol..we nvr put others inside...


aNOtHER pic!!

MorE PiCs wiLl BE uPdATeD in a WHIle.....sORRy to MaTT tHaT I HaVe fIrGoTTen To tAkE Pic WiTh HIm...lol...

LOSt DaIrY ChPt 92:

haha..i suppose to be studying bio right nw..however..jus dun have the mood...haha...i tink miss cheng will kill mi if she saw this..lol..hai..got bck my 1st DT results..haha...chem..as expected..i didn't get a destinction..however..phy..unexpectectly..i get a A2...lol..quite surprise..coz..haha..the time that i study for the both subject is like less than 6 hrs..haha..plus the time i study in kalz..lol..slack...haiz...time is taking away alot of things..and..it also create different kinds of emotion and feelings within us..i totally dun feel like studying..everyday going to school..is a nightmare to mi..in school..there's many people that i don't want to see...especially that idiot..haha...im not scolding "her"..lol..den everything..i jus have new things for mi to face it...haiz...ya..nw...im physically and mentally worn off by time and alot of things...just like cindy...haiz...just nw jeevan msg mi a veri funny message...haha...tnx for his concern too...bt im alright..haha...im just trying to b independent for everything...trying not to change because of something happen..trying hard to find back the "old" mi..that have all kinds of stupid things to make my frens smile..giving that some stupid advice..which maybe are those jeffrey everytime hear mi say de..haha...but nw...i find all the advice are so....not suitable for myself to get over it...mybe i just interfer too much...ya...

ya..i should not change...i should not give up..i should not...2 years ago..if i haven change..if i haven give up..maybe..im still the person that i know...maybe...the problems that im handling right now have not happen on mi...haha..ya...quite true..i should not have regret on changing..changing myslef is starting a new life for myslef..facing new challenges..and..i must have faith in myself that..i can overcome all this challenges...and i will...is not for anyone..but is for myself..having the future that i long wanted...

haiz...im jus too tired for everything...hoping that i can have a long sleep...just like wad "ming yun" in the show" wo he jiang si you ge yue hui 3"...in this show..fate...choose to go for a long sleep..because..of the ugliness of the people..the cruelty in this world...this world is jus so negative...haiz...how i hope i have this ability...

lOST DaiRY ChPT 91:

haiz...moodless...dun feel like slping..dun feel like eating...dun feel like studying...wad i want is to sit infront of my beloved televsion to watch my fav programme...dun feel like going to skool..so...go to skool is like a standard procedure..but diff is tt..everyday..things that happen in school is different..ok..i have alreadi made up my mind..tis DT i will let it be my worse DT ever..coz..i totally have no mood to study..this week there's 3 test..OMG!!y are there so many test..ya..i totally understands that having test is to let us prepare for the major exam that we are going to take at the end of the year..but are the teacher pushing us too much??or is the problems lies on mi??finding lots n lots of method to destress myself..but whenever i walk pass my stupid table..i just feel so stress..i know myself...this time round...i am nt well prepared..may be..somewhere deep inside mi..i was hoping to have a miricle..a miricle that happens on me four years ago..haha..mayb..im just dreaming...dreaming that i can still have the right of having a miricle to happen on mi..because...i never tried my best on it..i dun even rmb if i had tried my best in studying four years ago..i also forget the strength that keep pushing mi to move forward is wad le..who or what is the strength??i want to find bck the strength..haha..may be..it has been locked up together with my past..my meomories...and slowly..the strength becomes weaker n weaker..and now..i cant feel the strength any more..who can help me to find bck the strength that is within mi??

LOsT DaiRy cHPt 90:

lOSt daiRy chpT 89:

my DT paper sux man!!!every paper duno how to do..die ar..next week gt..bio,a maths n geog..HELP!!!i need some1 to help mi to read everything n help mi take my exams!!!time is running out..n im blogging..wasting my own "sweet" time..haiz...speech day rehearsal..boring...nono...is extremly BORING!!!haiz..i hate myself!!!Jess says that i already xian xia qu...haha...but..i can onli say..something tt happen have already change e mentality of mine...ya..i duno wad e hell is happening to every1 ard mi...jus like e song in my blog..."i used to think..i had the answers to everything..but now i know..life dosen't always go my way..."nth in my brain can help me nw...another sentence that can descibe myself is...能医者，不能自医。。。i just want to keep everything as simple as i can..i dont want to make things so complicated that..i lose myself in the same time...i already tried it..i realli dun like it...although i thinks that i can cope with everything well n nice..bt..everyting that is inside mi have been obstructing mi to keep focus n study..i realli want to study..i tried veri hard to study..bt..e problem is..i cant take it...ya..i have been trying to stay focus in mr sehkar's klaz..bt..i jus cant get things out of my head...haiz...i try to say out things that i have given up..n..after saying..i regret it...coz..i say out without e other person consent...n..this may hurt them or some1 else invisibly..haiz..i just hate...hatred is e onli thing that i can find in my mind..i dun hate ppl ard mi..i jus hate myself..i dun blame ani1 beside mi..i jus blame myself..blaming myself for being so...fake n...childish??haha..that's not e word..e word is 1 that i cant explain it..haiz!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i agree with wad jess say in her blog...不敢说出口,因为我胆小,因为如果你拒绝,我以后就不能够再见到你了,宁愿默默的爱着你,不能让你知道,直到,直到你投进别人的怀抱!

cont:
叶子相信风，相信风荟萃他到更遥远，更美丽的世界，一个只有幸福，依赖的世界，但，当叶子决心离开风的时候，风却停了，而叶子掉落在地上，没有了树的依赖，没有了风的关怀，叶子逐渐失去了昔日翠绿般的颜色和勇气，剩下的，只有害怕与孤单。。。而往往，当另外的风到来时，叶子也不再被吹起，因为叶子已失去信心，叶子也害怕风会再次的遗弃它。。。

LoSt dairY CHPt 88:

hai..being bewildered now adays..how to say??i have been veri clear that i have put down the things that make me veri regret...but new things just pop up..you are the 1 who let me have e determination to forget everything...however..things just turn out wrong..veri veri wrong..than now..i dun even understand myself..and duno how to react to everything happen around..i jus want to focus on the exams and O levels..but the problems jus keep "wondering" in my brain..making me cant focus...ya..actually..i know the problems come from me..and if i really wants to focus..i have to do something to my brain n mindset...like tt..den i can cont on wif my life..i have been trying hard to avoid aniting that concerns about you...but i just duno y..i like to do something that is veri gu yi infront of u..i duno y i become like that...haiz...studying ss...but cant focus aniting..n DT is coming again..i have totally no mood to study...how??HOW??i have to study n i need to study..but i cant focus at all...not a single word..n DT is next week...how am i possible to get e result that i wanted..haiz...

something happen to my school lately...2 of our sec3 boys went missing yesterday..in the sea..they went to pasir ris beach to celebrate their fren bd..after that..they went to swim..n before they go home...although they suppose to be at TP as we have our sports day down there..they wanted to have a swim one more time..therefore..the tide is veri high..majority choose to swim near the coast..however..this 2 boys..wanted to swim further...and now..they cant even find them...hai..so young..bt...haiz...

life is like this...so unpredictable..one moment you can be happy..the next moment you maybe sad..thus...we have to enjoy the happy moments that we have..and when we are unhappy..just find something happy for you to think about...in this case..you will not be so unhappy until u kana depression...haha..but..is it that i have STM or wad...y cant i rmb aniting happy for me to think about..all the happy things i have gone tru..it will not end wif a "HAPPY ENDING"...so...haiz...

LOSt dAiry cHpt 87:

ARGH!!!im so damn angry...ya..extremly angry..angry with myself..y cant i gain some self control??y cant i do tings after thinking e consequences??angry wif that some1..damn angry...i duno wad to say..bt y things turn out to b like this??i try my veri best to be happy today...bt jus bcoz of ur 1 sentence..my anger is up again..luckily is after skool..or else..my mood will totally gone...n luckily cindy is der...haiz...ya..must thanks cindy...veri veri much...tnx for being der to listen to my anger that is in mi...im realli damn angry...i duno how to say..the range of fire is jus within mi...although some1 say she dun care animore..n ask mi to hack care also..i realli try to hack care..bt jus bcoz of her word...i totally cant hack care animore..jus nw i still feel like scolding her...bt..at least i spare a thought for some1...or even "others"..thats y..i nvr shout at her...yesterday joey ask mi wad thing make me extremly angry..if he ask mi today..i will sure say about this thing...it is none of YOUR business...im in good mood..means im in good mood...u don't need to say anything...ya..maybe you all will think that she just ask me this question..why must i be so unhappy...but im just so DAMN ANGRY with her this whole month...maybe to some people..she maybe a good friend..but to me..she's NOT!!!i choose to type it out...hoping that..she will one day come pass my blog..and know how hateful she is..ya..just like what jeffrey say..no one is perfect in this world..including mi..but there's also some limit for me...my limit for diff ppl is diff...but for YOU...ur limit is there..u cant go any "BEYOND" that...the word beyond sounds so farmiliar rite??haha...and i also cant deny that..the reason for me to get so angry is because im veri disappointed...


my heart hurts so much...the worries and everything is tearing my heart pieces by pieces..trying veri hard to be veri happy...although i say tt there's 4 persin in the school irritate mi veri much..but..im veri pleased with their presence..everytime..they appear..i will scold them..im sorri..but...ya...i duno y..maybe...because...i tink tt u all know me better then i know myself..that is why..im jus scared to be known bah...

LOSt daiRy chpT 86:

thankz for believeing mi..i promise tt..after i settle everything..i will tell u wad happen..coz..after settle it..it will no longer b a secret..i guess..bt..i will sure tell u de..after everything is over..n..i never give up on anything rite nw..i jus want to settle everything one by one..letting my life with no regrets between my friends..n thankz again..i noe u are always there..n u choose to keep queit..n sorry for everything tt i did to u this pass few weeks...

Peilin

[#] SiS
[#] MinZ
[#] pInG YInG
[PRPS] ChE YeE
[PRPS] FelIcIa
[PRPS] KAr yEe
[PRPS]JiaN LE
[EV] ciNDY
[EV]grace
[EV] jEss
[EV] maTtHew
[EV] MaRvIn
[EV] JOnATHan QUeck~jie mEi
[EV] NELsoN
[EV] YaN
[EV] jeFfRey
[EV] JiA yI
[EV] JOEy
[EV] peI jUaN
[EV] Si qIn/SI qi
[EV] GLoRIa
[EV] kITty
[EV] PrISciLLA
[EV] Yi XiN
[EV]cHeVaLyn
[EV]PRIsCIlla foO
[EV]DaRryL loW
[EV]vICKy
[EV]JEeVan
[EV]juLy
[EV]JoNAtHan OnG
[EV]FeDeRIck
[EV]wI cHen
[EV]amIRa
[NP]AVT07
[NP]AVT08
[NP]AVT-V21
[NP]sOnG keAt
[NP]rONnEy
[NP]fiOna
[NP]hAI XIn
[NP]wArdah
[NP]CheNg zHIA
[NP]GiNa[NP] FLORENCE
[NP] gaRy
[NP] NiCoLe
[NP] kieN ChyE