no matter how hard i try...

你有多久没看着月亮兴奋的笑了？

人，往往忘记最单纯的快乐。。

而有一些人，却因为环境的关系而被迫成长。。。

these few days grandpa temper isn't that good..

have been scolding people...

yesterday was lele..

today...he didn't really scold actually...

is just that he does not know the words that he say out is too harsh for them to take it...

what i've realize today is that...

you can't do anything wrong...

because no wonder how much you wanted to prove that you've changed...

the damage is done...

and the more you do, it does not change anything..

i totally agree that everyone deserve a second chance...

especially your family members...

however, some people just don't deserve it...

because they don't learn from their mistake..

if you want a second chance...

you should really do something...

things that won't disappoint others that have high hopes on you...

was reading the letters that my friends wrote to me the past few years...

things really change...

especially these few years...

i mean...

everyone tends to be more mature than last...

the way they handle stuffs will no longer be the same...

but somehow...

i miss the old days...

whereby, everything is simple as it is....

for me..

i love my family...

although there will be some disagreement...

but i love them...and they are the ones that will love me forever too...

in the past...

i would rather spend more time outside with my friends than spending with my family...

it's true that i used to feel more secure with my friends...

i find that there's alot of things that i can say to them compared to my family...

this wouldn't change at all...

there are stuffs whereby i won't share with my family...

but now, i rather keep it to myself...

i've learnt one thing throughout the years...

i don't have to let you know what changes me...

if you don't like the change...fine...

just leave me alone...

but if you accept me as who i am...

i know that...you'll always be there....

in the letters...everyone wrote that i've been a wonderful friend...blah blah blah...

but now, i have no idea if i am still the person you guys thought i am...

if only things are still so simple...

looking through the pictures....

people do change....

don't you think so???

picture do speak a thousand words...

but,what's the story behind every picture?

only the people inside the picture know..

but some pictures are taken so long ago that i totally don't remember...

and grandpa is so young and energetic...

the thing that i regret now is that...

i didn't apply for uni for this year...

all i think about is myself and what i want...

may be i've said that i'll forfeit the thinking of going overseas to study...

i still hope that there's a small percentage of chance that i can i go...

but now, to think of it....

it's kinda selfish in a way...

grandpa wanted to see me to get into uni so badly...

and i just keep pushing and pushing...

even now, he's getting weaker and weaker...

he's getting skinner and skinner...

all he left is bones....

the first thing that he spoke to me is to remind me to go and study uni...

heart wrenching.....

the pain that he's going through now is making him so weak..

but all he can think of is my studies...

i still remember how happy he is when i gave him one of my grad pic...

he's so happy that he walked to the living room and find a place to put the photo frame...

he even ask lele if she can recognize who's the person in the photo...

that's the last time i saw him smile until so happy...

after that...the pain is so unbearable that we have to send him to the hospital...

while everyone is panicking taking out wheelchair...

getting the car ready...

grandpa told me that the pain is so unbearable that he's going to die...

my heart sink and went out to see if they are ready to get grandpa to the hospital..

on the way to the hospital...

everyone was so quiet...

after he came back from the hospital...

he seldom come out from his room anymore...

he comes out only for lunch,dinner and his medication...

other than that...he'll be lying on the bed...

yesterday...he look at me...

asking me to remember to apply for uni...

even though he cant see me attending uni...

i was so stunt at that moment...

i have no idea how to i console him...

it's a brand new start for me...

i have to get used to it...

have to express my gratitude to some of my friends...

gina: she's the first person i'll talk to...but she's always busy with some other stuff...

so i try not to pester her everytime...but i know that she'll listen to me and give me very good advice...=D LOVE YOU!!! haha...although everythime like to di siao you...but still, you're the best person i've ever met....know that you'll always lend me your shoulder to cry....=))

Grace: even she's curious...but she never asked me about anything...she knows that i'll tell her when i want to tell her...that's why she never force me on saying the things that i don't wish to say...

aloy: haha....even he went to tekong already..i still like to pester him some times...

maybe to cheer him up?? or maybe to cheer myself up??

but, is really very nice of him to listen to all my stupid stuffs...although he give me stupid advice as well...but...he knows what i want....=)

although i've been very stress last sem due to LPA...

but, i'm glad that i took that elective at the last sem...

i'm happy with the production...although there's some angry moments...

but overall is fine=D

the most important thing is that i get to know a few nice friends....

yp,max,gy and adeline...

haha...although adeline seldom come out with us...

but, when she comes, we got lots of things to say...

yp....she's a very funny person...guess wad??she and adeline wants to matchmake me with another guy name hock leng...haha....funny girl with lots of stupid ideas...

never fail to make me laugh like a idiot....=)

max....haha...he's the first guy that i ever know that really give me a big bro impression...

i everytime go out with him like i got a bro beside me like tt...

he'll offer to send me out of the ktv because that place quite wulu and it's damn late already....

with him around..like he can settle everything for us...haha...a great guy=) a humorous guy too...send me a super long message just to tell me that he's going to protect us when we're sleeping...HAHA!!! funny guy!

gy....stupid guy...maybe because of his past experience he's who he is now...and some ppl may not like the way he act..and also...a da shao ye...don't like to take public transport...at all! he's always with his bike or car...but, he's really a great guy too..

if there's chance i really want to intro my girl friends to gy and max...both of them will be a good boyfriend=) maybe it's because of their age...they give ppl the sense of secure when they are around...

p.s: gy!i won't buy you a cap after you go tekong! i want to see you botak!LOL!!!you want ask your gf buy for you...=p