lost dairy chpt 409:

hmmmm....
lots of things happen within this few months...
grandpa pass away....
quit my job....
grandma went for surgery....
went to korea....
slacking ard....
and getting back to school...

went back to hitachi and had a small talk with Cilia.
she told me that she's quite worried about her dad...
because most of her elders has pass away...
and these reminds me of my grandpa

life is filled with regrets....
i keep wondering why am i so stubborn??
i used to dream to study overseas...
wanted to try a different life outside singapore...
but because of grandpa, i've decided to give up this dream...
actually, i've decided before last yr admission...
but i still hope that there's a change...
maybe someone in the family will suddenly realized that actually going out there...
learn new stuffs is also a experience...and it will add colors to my life...
that's why, i didn't submit the application last yr...

just 1yr...everything changed...
grandpa's health getting bad to worse...
and the only thing that he remember is that i need to go to uni...
 even the days whereby he couldn't differentiate who is who...
he will keep reminding my mum "siyi, must go and study uni."
at that moment, i realized that i'm so selfish....
because of my own "want", i couldn't let my grandpa "see" me getting into uni...
something that will make him feel proud of...
something that will brighten his day...

one week before he pass away,
he asked my mum to call everyone of us to go down his hse...he got smth to say...
all of us took leave and went to his hse...
everyone goes into the room..kneeling beside him...
listen carefully to what he's trying to let us know...
he told me that the only thing he wants from me is to get into local uni...
 that's the only time whereby his mind is clear, knowing who is who...
the next day, i stayed at home to work in order look after my grandpa since most of the adults have to work...
when i'm cutting his mustache, he keeps smiling at me...
and all i could do for him is to smile back and keep telling him jokes...
after that day, grandpa has no energy to talk to us anymore....

on the night that he pass away,
he waited for everyone to get back from work...
seen everyone of us...
and he left...
i hope that he leave without regrets...

the letter of acceptance letter from NTU came on the day of ting's wedding...
after reading the letter, i went to grandpa hse straight away to let the elders know abt it...
before the wedding ceremony starts, grandma brings me around and boost to other ppl that NTU accepted me and i'm going to study in NTU...
looking at her happy and contented face...
i wonder how would it be like if grandpa is still alive...
will he have the energy to walk around and boost this small things to other ppl??

if only i'm not that selfish...only think about myself...
things may be totally different from now...

so ppl, we shall think properly before we make any decision...
there's no replay button in life...
differentiate what are the "needs" and "wants" in life...

Peilin

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